Impale them all, Magical Girl Nuchan!
by iliveinsingapore
Summary: Inspired by a piece of concept art from the Blazblue Material Collection that had Nu as a magical girl. Hope you like the crackiness of this fic. Rated M for graphic violence and gore, language and possible lemons in the future.


**A/N: This thing was inspired by me seeing Nu originally designed as a magical girl of sorts in the Blazblue material collection. A certain Tactical Genius is also going to be a rather prominent character, courtesy of my friend giving me the idea. Half of this fic is also his intellectual property, so I'm giving him the credit he deserves. Also, I do not own Cree, Nu, or Blazblue, but I do own the mime. You'll see what I mean by mime later.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------IMPALE THEM ALL!! MAGICAL GIRL NU-CHAN!!**

"Ragna!!! No!!!" Nu yelled as she fell into the Cauldron without Ragna, who was still bloodied and a 5-foot long blade rammed through his torso. He was holding on to Noel Vermillion who had managed to save him at the last minute and denying them the unholy matrimony that results in them somehow merging into a giant eight-headed snake monster thing that would see to the destruction of the world 100 years ago for the 101st time. She continued to fall, still screaming Ragna's name and flailing her limbs in futility.

As she continued falling, she became more preoccupied with swearing and cursing at Noel rather than screaming Ragna's name. "GODDAMN WENCH, FUCKING STEALING MY MAN!!! WAIT TILL I FUCKING GET BACK UP THERE AND SEE WHAT I FUCKING DO TO YOU!!!! I SWEAR TO THE THREE FUCKING MASTER UNITS I WILL FUCKING HUNT YOU DOWN AND PUT YOU THROUGH SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN YOU WILL BE FUCKING BEGGING FOR ME TO FUCKING END YOUR PITIFUL WHORING DAYS, BITCH!!! JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT DAMMIT!!!!"

This carried on for what seemed like eternity, despite being a cold unfeeling hunk of metal and flesh super-glued together which under normal circumstances shouldn't be able to swear like that, but her trip through the cauldron was changing her, somehow replacing her metal bits with human ones. Don't ask me how this is happening but I personally think that Nu and Ragna merging together in the Cauldron to form a giant eight-headed snake monster thing is harder to explain than this so stick with it. So Nu carried on falling and was enveloped by a flash of bright light. "What the-" Nu began but was cut short by the flash blinding her, causing her to shriek instead.

When Nu came to, she was in the middle of a meadow, filled with the scent of grass and flowers. Butterflies flitted about around the flowers, occasionally landing for a drink of nectar [before taking off again and dancing in the wind. Nu regarded them with curiosity and followed them.

_Wonder what these things are… never saw them before, not in the lab, not at the Cauldron and not everywhere else for that matter, _Nu mused. She caught herself and thought; _hold on a sec, did I just not say __"Analysing__…Analysing... Analysing… Subject does not match with any life form in databases. Suggest termination."? _She looked around and discovered a small pond in the middle of the meadow and looked in it. She gasped at what she saw in what was supposed to be her reflection. Instead of a girl with silver hair, a blood red eye and the other covered with an eye patch, she saw a girl with strawberry blond hair and dazzling emerald green eyes. Nu turned pale, then screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK? I LOOK LIKE THAT BITCH THAT STOLE RAGNA FROM ME!!" _Well we are clones after all, but damn I was shocked._ Nu thought, reflecting on her sudden change of appearance. _But I guess this will help me fit in more if I come across a town or something._

As Nu calmed down from her little panic attack, she decided to not let it dwell on her mind and preoccupied herself with playing in the meadow. She saw two more butterflies and proceeded to frolic with them like a 5 year-old girl after drinking two glasses of apple juice with extra sugar. Basically acting like the bubbly little girl she only was around Ragna. She continued frolicking but failed to notice a buried rock with the end sticking out of the ground.

Her foot connected with the rock, which was buried quite deeply and caused her to trip and fall flat on her face. "Ow!! What was that?" she asked to no one in particular. Behind the rock was a doll, much too large to be hiding behind the little piece of granite jutting out of the ground. _Funny how I didn't notice it before, _Nu thought, picking it up and looking it over carefully. It was a doll of a hooded woman, not unlike the face that was engraved upon the giant sword thing that was Nu's Murakumo armour, yet somehow resembling a nun. Suddenly, the doll's mouth opened and it started talking. " Are you the chosen one? You must be for you have found me! I shall take you to see the master at once!"

Before Nu even had a chance to ask the talking doll what was going on, the doll started emitting a bright light much like the one Nu experienced before landing in the meadow. "Not again!", Nu yelled before disappearing and leaving the butterflies to proceed with their frolicking alone.

"Now where am I?" Nu wondered out loud, still holding the doll. The doll talked again, shocking Nu, causing her to throw it away and shriek. "Master! I have brought the chosen one!" the doll continued unfazed despite being thrown into a bulletproof fiberglass window face first. It was then Nu noticed the big chair behind a big desk made of mahogany. The chair slowly turned around, revealing a man in his late forties or early fifties with black crew cut hair, a large scar vertically bisecting his left eye and another smaller scar on his right cheek. He was smiling, a rather disturbing smile at that as his features were distorted by the large scars on his face. He took a long drag on a cigar he held on his right hand, blew out a cloud of smoke, and finally began to speak.

"You must be wondering who I am, so let's get the introductions out of the way shall we? My name is Ursakar E. Creed, my full title is Lord Castellan of the Imperial Guard Ursakar E. Creed, but most refer to me simply as the Tactical Genius or Creed. The doll you just threw into the window is actually an advanced A.I./ combat assistance unit that cost my organization here a few billion dollars, but she can take quite a bit of punishment so don't let that worry you. Oh, and her name is Betty.", he rumbled in a voice that sounded like thunder and artillery going off in the distance. "And you are?"

"Oh, err- I am Nu-13, an anti-Sankishin unit, or was one. I am lost, as I don't know where this place is. Would you mind telling me where this is?"

The A.I./combat assistance thingy/ freaky talking doll answered her question in a cheerful tone despite having been thrown at a fiberglass window by the same person asking the question. "This is the headquarters of the resistance, just outside the 13th Hierarchal City of Kagutsuchi. The date is the first of February of the year 2059."

"Oh, thanks.", Nu said, something still bugging her. Then it hit. "HEY WAIT A SEC! Did you just say 2149?", Nu exclaimed at the doll. The doll answered the question seemingly without registering the shock in Nu's voice. "Yes, this is the year 2149 A.D."

Nu did an impression of the Screamer painting thing. You know, the painting that looks like this /(0o0)\. _2149?! That's fifty years back in time, fifty years between Ragna and I! By the time Ragna is grown up or even born, I will be an old woman who would be hated by him! Oh my god, why did this happen to me?! _Nu screamed mentally.

Creed cleared his throat to get Nu's attention. "You must be wondering why I called you here. Well I am a rebel of sorts. The government here is rank with corruption, and their men started shooting me on sight when I asked for directions and the time. Granted, I did freak out a bit when I heard the year I was in myself as I am not from this time period as well, but that was no reason to start trying to cut me with swords and shoot fireballs at me. So I have something personal against the government as well.

"But I have seen the way they treat the civilians. When a poor woman was being mugged in front of some of the enforcers on patrol, they just ignored her and carried on with their donuts and coffee. I was so pissed off I just pulled off one of my trademark tricks. I hid flash-bangs in their zippers, and recorded it on video. Want to see?"

Nu nodded yes, curiosity getting the better of her. Creed snapped his fingers and a video Armagus activated. A sphere appeared in front of Nu and started playing the video. The first thing that appeared on the sphere was two large words, Creed's Corner, in all caps. It then shifted to Creed, who gave a short monologue describing what happens in the video and what pushed him to do it. Video Creed said in a grave voice, "Now today I saw something very depressing and unbecoming of the government. I saw an old lady being mugged right in front of two of their enforcers, and they did nothing about it. So I decided to take revenge on them on behalf of the woman, after taking care of the mugger, naturally. This is what happened to them."

The sphere then showed the interior of the men's restroom. Two men in official-looking uniforms were at the urinals, yakking about what they had for lunch and how funny the mugging was. When they pulled up their zippers, there was not a 'zip' sound but a 'clink' sound. The camera zoomed in on their hands and they were holding grenade pins. They looked on the pins in horror and recognition and yelled at the top of their lungs, "CREEEEEEEEEEED!!!"

There was a loud bang and the camera showed nothing but white for a split second. The camera then showed the two men now screaming, "AAAA!!!! MY EYES!!!" and " HOT DAMN!!! MY CROTCH IS BURNING!!!!" and other such exclamations. Naturally, they started panicking and they ran around the bathroom, smashing into walls and the sinks, screaming and cursing as they went. Finally they somehow managed to trip each other with their legs at the same time, causing one to smash his head into a sink and the other smashing one of the urinals with his cranium, leaving them both unconscious with retarded smiles on their faces.

Nu was laughing her head off. She thought that they had deserved such a punishment, but even if they did not she would had laughed at them all the same. She had especially liked the part where they yelled Creed's name when they saw the pin. "It was like they knew it was you when they saw the pins! But more importantly, how did you hide those flash-bangs in their pants without them noticing?"

"I'm a tactical genius, need I say more?" Creed answered. Nu did not see how he being a tactical genius and how he hid the flash-bangs in their pants linked, but she decided to leave it that.

"So I called you here for a reason; to ask you to join my little organization here. As you can see, the government is… ineffective. Okay, they just plain suck. So I intend on changing that. I will take them down and set everything wrong in this city right. Do you want to be a part of this revolution?", Creed inquired.

"What's in it for me?" Nu asked, wary of the situation.

"Anything you want, be it money or power. I have plenty of both."

"I want to travel 50 years into the future.", Nu replied with unwavering determination.

"I cannot do that, but I do believe you came to this time through a large Cauldron like object, correct? There is one of those things housed in their headquarters. Help me with this and you can use it for whatever you want."

"Deal.", Nu said as she offered her hand to shake. Creed took her hand and shook it once firmly.

"You will be in charge of causing diversions while I implement my Tactical Genius (trademark). You will take Betty here, who will assist you in your combat. She seems rather eager to work with you, right Betty?"

"Yes, master." Betty replied cheerfully.

"Well, I think that we are about done here. You would not be seeing me anytime soon, as I will inform you of your targets through Betty. I might call you back here for a briefing when I find out who is running this operation, but for now, I have enrolled you in a local high school. That way you will always be within the city ready to wreak havoc on them when Betty tells you to. With that I bid you adieu."

Nu picked up Betty, who then proceeded to emit the white teleporting light. After the pair vanished, Creed leaned back further into his big chair and let out a thoughtful 'huurrrr' while chomping on his cigar.

Nu and Betty reappeared in a back alley so as to not make a commotion. "Wait, I can't go out in public dressed in a plug suit!" Nu exclaimed.

"Fret not, I've got it covered." Betty said as she melted and covered Nu's body.

"Ah! What are you doing! No, not there! Ahn~!" Nu moaned as Betty wrapped around Nu's nether regions.

With another flash of light, Betty was gone and Nu was in a school uniform of sorts. "What just happened?" Nu asked while looking around, not seeing Betty anywhere. _**"**_Over here!"

"Who said that?" Nu yelped, jumping up and looking around, despite feeling that the voice had come from within her mind. Then she noticed her attire. _Since when did I change clothes? _Nu thought.

"Down here! On your right wrist!"

"Betty?" Nu looked at the bracelet that now adorned her right wrist. It was made of silver, and had a hooded woman which looked a lot like Betty engraved into one of the linkages. It did sound like Betty now that she thought about it.

"I am a combat assistance unit after all. Sometimes combat calls for camouflage, and where better to hide than in plain sight?" Betty asked Nu. Nu pondered this and decided that her words held truth. It still did not make it any less weird though.

Nu walked out from behind the alley and saw a really, really big school. The ornate front gates were about 20 feet high and were made of brass. The gates were open so Nu walked in. _Is this by any chance the school I will be attending? _Nu mentally asked Betty. "As a matter of fact, yes. Impressive isn't it?_**" **_

_Impressive doesn't cut it. This place is like a painting. What kind of school has hills, lakes and even forests on the campus? _Nu thought.

"This kind of school."Betty answered. Nu ignored Betty and looked around, until her view was spoiled by a mime miming his way towards her.

_Awesome. Just fucking awesome. Of all things to appear in such a picturesque view, why a frickin' mime?_ Nu mentally screamed. "I know right? Way to ruin the view. Asshole."Betty agreed.

The mime had reached them and started doing mime things like imagining a door and opening it, then waving hello.

"What do you want?" Nu asked in an irate tone.

The mime being a mime, he refrained from using spoken English to convey his thoughts. Instead he waved his finger and put on a disdainful expression, as if saying that he was not impressed by Nu's manners or lack thereof.

Nu just sighed and said in an exasperated manner, "Look, I'm busy taking in the view here and you're ruining it. If you have no business with me, get lost. Now."

This really ticked off the mime, who now looked really angry and was striking a violent pose, but still not making any verbal noise.

Nu sighed and thought to Betty, _Can we just kill him now? Seeing as he's a mime and all, I don't think anyone would miss him. Not even his wife, supposing he even has one. And even if he did she's probably having an affair with someone else anyway._

"Yeah, why not? He pisses me off too. Now you need to transform."

_Transform? What do you mean by transform? Like into a robot or something?_

"It'll save me a lot of trouble if you just do it. Just say the word 'transform', then follow up with some weird catchphrase that goes along the lines of how you will defeat all who stand in the way of justice and love and stuff. Figure it out."

"Fine. Transform!" Nu cried. Suddenly Betty the bracelet once again did the melting thing, but came off of Nu's body, leaving her stark naked, but for some reason was glowing white. Part of Liquid Betty then solidified into schoolgirl shoes and knee socks, which then proceeded to attack themselves to her legs. More of Betty then turned into a baby blue skirt and blouse, both of which tight fitting and causing Nu to moan sensually again when they attached themselves to her.

The rest of Liquid Betty then turned into elbow length gloves of the same color which went onto her hands, naturally, and a stave of sorts, only one end was bladed, which would probably make it a halberd were it longer, but it was only about the length of Nu's forearm. Nu's hair tuned silver and her eyes red, making her look like her old self before going through the Cauldron.

Finally, she did one twirl in the air before landing on the ground and pointing her bladed stave thing at the mime and proclaimed, "Impaling anything and everything that comes in between me and my beloved Ragna(drool), and also, to a lesser extent, FOR GREAT JUSTICE!! MAGICAL GIRL NU-CHAN MAKES HER DYNAMIC ENTRANCE!!"

The mime just raised an eyebrow at her, not making a sound at all.

"Prepare to be EVISCERATED!!!" Nu yelled. She pointed her stave thing at the mime, causing a sword much like the ones that harass Blazblue players everywhere when they go up against Calamity Trigger Nu to appear and zoom towards the mime.

The mime nonchalantly raised his hands and mimed a wall, as if his gesture would actually make an invisible wall like what would happen in cartoons that feature super-powered mimes. Sadly for our mime but happily for you, me, Nu and Betty, he was no super-powered mime and this was no cartoon that featured such mimes. As such, the sword just passed through the 'wall' and drove through his torso and severing his spine before disappearing.

His legs gave out as his spine was no longer in one piece. As he collapsed, he coughed up unhealthy amounts of blood while using his hands to try and keep his intestines inside his body as they were spilling out of the entry and exit wounds made by Nu's summoned sword. His eyes widened in shock as if to say, "No! This cannot be! I am a master of miming and that sword should have stopped in its tracks? Why God of miming? Have you forsaken me? Am I not worthy of receiving your power?", but he kept with the miming gig and kept his mouth shut.

"What? Still alive? Guess I'd better finish the job." Nu raised her bladed stave toward the heavens and started reciting a spell of sorts. "Oh silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond, heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way! KILL THAT GODDAMN MIME!!!"

As she finished the incantation, a huge-ass silver blade did appear in the sky. And when I write huge-ass, I mean HUGE-ASS. Think of it as 5 upside-down Empire State Buildings side by side turned into a sword. Yeah, it's that big. So the sword comes out and the mime looks at it. He just stones there for a bit as he tries to comprehend what he was seeing, but did not shit or piss himself as his spinal cord was severed so he could not even if he wanted to. Then he broke the golden rule of miming: never, ever, EVER, talk. He said three words in a really tiny, high pitched voice, the kind you would expect from a 5 year-old girl. He said "Mommy, hold me."

As if to punish his speaking as well as his lack of balls, the sword descended on him. However, despite the sword being extremely huge, it was not extremely sharp. It landed on him, but stopped just short of the ground as Nu did not want to ruin the view. The mime was reduced to nothing more than a lumpy red paste with some pink or green here and there, providing a bit more color to the meadow, which was actually quite pleasing to the eye, aside from the fact that one of the mime's eyes was staring out of a little puddle.

Suddenly, Creed's voice resonated through Nu's head. **_Nu, I have your first target. He is a mime that was last seen walking around the grounds of the NOL's military academy, which incidentally is the school I enrolled you in. Get there and kill him._**

**"**Erm, Creed? I think Betty and I just killed that mime you were talking. He is now not so much a mime but more mime soup."

**_Is that so? Good job all the same. I suppose since you're at the school you might as well drop in to confirm which class you're in and maybe make some friends. Have fun. Creed out._** With that, Creed's presence faded from Nu's mind. "I think I should transform back now. Can't walk around the school dressed like this."

With that, the costume disappeared, leaving her naked again before the school uniform appeared and covered her body. Her hair and eyes changed back to blond and emerald green respectively and she walked towards the school building, wondering where the headmaster's office was. She did not notice, however, a girl hiding behind a bush, staring at her. The girl was having a nosebleed and staring at Nu's behind rather intently. Things would get rather hectic for Nu at the school in time to come.

Meanwhile, in the branch of the NOL in Kagutsuchi…

"Sir, one of the new recruits was just killed by a huge-ass sword that suddenly appeared in the sky above the military academy and dropped into his head. He is the mime." A random secretary reported to his superior, which was a small thing with four long robotic arms sticking out of his back. He was floating in the air with no support.

"Did you say a huge-ass sword appeared over the military academy and dropped down? Shit, that place has one of the best views in town and now it's going to be ruined by the large gash in the earth that is caused by that huge-ass sword, right?" the floating thing asked in a surprisingly deep and throaty voice, which had a slight lisp.

"Actually sir, the person who summoned the sword just used it to squish the mime and stopped it before it could damage the view."

"Is that so? I must say that he or she must have good taste, both in killing the mime and preserving the view."

"Uh, sir? The mime was one of us." Said his secretary who was somewhat perplexed by his superior officer seeming to care much more about the view being spared than on of his junior officers being reduced to a little red puddle while on duty.

"I know. I've always hated mimes, and don't tell me that you don't hate them too. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say." The little figure said nonchalantly, while shrugging both his little midget hands as well as the 4 robotic arms that seem to serve no real purpose as he was just floating in mid-air.

"If you say so, Colonel Octogonapus. So on to budget issues…"

"WHAT? BUDGET ISSUES?! COLONEL OCTOGONAPUS BLAAAARGH!!!!" the colonel screamed. As the 'BLAAAAAAARGH!!' left his throat, a blue-white beam of pure energy erupted from his mouth and blew off the top half of his secretary, causing blood to fountain up from the gaping hole above his hips and splattering the ceiling and some of the walls a rich crimson.

"God, I have to stop doing that." Colonel Octogonapus muttered, as the disembodied legs of his secretary wobbled and lost balance, spilling even more blood on to the carpet in his office.

**A/N: How was that? This is my first ever fan fic and I hope you guys liked it. Once again, please R&R and maybe tell me whether I should label this as a crossover or treat Creed's appearance as a cameo.**


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